what a joy

i've decided that i'm only gonna blog if i actually have something to say - but actually DO it when the inspiration strikes... i don't like the idea of forcing myself to say something every day even if i'm supertired uninspired "just to say something". i'm just more of a "talk if you actually have something to SAY" kind of a person... so let my blog reflect that...

jason was just telling me that the one thing he prayed for in anticipation of joey's arrival was for a baby that would just bring joy to people (good disposition, etc.). and if joey has one defining characteristic, it's that he completely endears himself to people pretty much every time he sees them... from the moment he started smiling at 5 weeks, and then laughing at 7-8 weeks, it's been "all over". people can't get enough! he is such a flirt! :) and it brings us so much joy as his parents, both because we get to be on the receiving end of those smiles and giggles, and also because we get to see how happy he makes other peope just being around him! i mean, he's no angel - he still has his evening "fussy times" like most babies, and as far as eating and sleeping... let's just say he doesn't go by the book... but those big blue eyes wrinkling up into a toothless grin that seems to take up half his face just make it worth it! we don't really have any good pictures of this yet, but i'll post some soon! (we don't have any because we haven't really taken pictures of him - besides on our phones to text to people - in like a month - we gotta get on that!)

ps. i "finished" what i was working on yesterday (the sewing machine wouldn't cooperate with my buttonholes) so i'll try to post a pic of that soon... and here it is...!

can you see the rusty bottlecaps for buttons? it used to have a frilly white flowery edging, but jason never liked it that way, so i thought maybe it'd be better this way... ;)

now i have a deadline of friday for a piece to submit for the Biola women & art show... let's see what i can come up with tomorrow!!

missed!

so i already missed a day of blogging... on the THIRD day of my month! pathetic. but life just catches up with you, and when you have a full day of laundry, cleaning, taking care of baby, going on a date with hubby, ETC... it's not that i forgot about it, or even that i didn't feel "up to it" - i just never had time! crazy. i did get to work on a little creative project yesterday, that i was hoping to finish today... but right now it's stuck in my sewing machine (really - i can't get it out!) so it'll have to wait i guess...

speaking of "missing"... i was just thinking how much i miss having close friends nearby. it takes me so much Oomph to get out there and make a friend, and then for some reason, they all seem to move away... FAR away. my best friend since childhood now lives in Papua New Guinea... my 2 friends that i stayed in touch with from college both live in Africa now, and the 2 close friends i've had since then have also moved away in the last couple of years - one to Atlanta, and one to Greece!! i keep telling myself that i need to "try again"... but it's hard! although i have noticed that it gets a little easier with a baby! people wanna hang out with you just so they can get a piece of that cuteness (AND because they like you, but the baby just makes it actually happen :) and there's a lot fewer lulls in conversation - always something to talk about, or a little guy to coo to! i have actually felt more connected to people since the baby than the past few years... and somehow more confident, too. like somehow it makes me a better person worth knowing now that i have him... or maybe it's just that i know if i can handle being a mother i can handle anything? having a baby has been WAY harder than i expected. i mean, i knew it was gonna be hard in like a "this will change our lives forever" way, but i wasn't so much expecting it to be hard like "i don't know if i can survive this!' kind of way! i guess i never really had any close friends or family that i got to see in the throes of raising a baby...

but (see last post) it has gotten MUCH better the past few weeks. he is amazing and i love spending time with him! we've got a lot of adventure ahead of us, i can tell!

a random shot of me and joey falling knee-deep in snow... having an adventure!

fullheart 2-21-2010

my heart is so full right now! i feel it like a physical sensation, bubbling up and over inside my chest. about to burst, impatient for the laptop to finally boot up so i can express just how joyful i am in this moment. i have so much wonder in my soul… an amazing, strong husband who loves me… a son who brings me delight a hundred times a day… the beauty of golden wheat, green hills after a good rain, silent snow-laden trees – oh, so much beauty, and so much joy in my life!


i write this in bed in the dark since i finally realized i couldn’t fall asleep with all this welling up inside me! this is the third day of jason’s off-road expedition trip, so my bed is half-empty, but joey lies just a couple of feet away in his bassinet, and i can hear him breathing and stirring as i write this. there is nothing more peaceful than a baby sleeping. i could watch him forever (if there weren’t other things that REALLY needed to be done in those precious few moments). and nothing i can think of brings me so much joy as his little smiles! the eye contact, where you know that 3-month-old is really looking at you, learning about his world and his mother, and the huge grin that will light up his face… the shrieks he lets out when he’s on his changing table or when he gets so excited that the bears on his mobile are MOVING (the fan comes in a close second)! even his little drunk smiles after he’s just finished eating – no, maybe especially those – just so sweet and blissful and thankful. they thrill my heart and i can’t help grinning back, or getting teary, or wrapping him in an almost-too-tight hug. the first few surreal weeks of his life, i wasn’t so sure that this was a good idea – “what did we get ourselves into???” was the question i often asked myself… and “why do people have kids? and why do they think it’s so great?” but now that i can see that little person inside, and he’s not just this crying, demanding little stranger… i have so much love for him. i must tell him a couple of dozen times a day – it probably comprises half our conversation (we’ll have to start branching out soon ;) “oh, I just love you so much, bug”!


i was a little worried that jason leaving for 4 days would lead to me having a meltdown with joey… i tend to need a little break every other day or so – just for an hour or two – where i don’t have to be the one responsible for meeting his every need. being a “single parent” for a few days was not something i was completely looking forward to. but I knew this trip would be so refreshing and good for jason’s soul, so i sent him off! and my time with joey has been just wonderful! so sweet. just “mommy and me”. i can’t wait for jason to come back, though! i’ve been doing things i wouldn’t normally do with him around, like watch chick flicks… i’ve been reading Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge, and they encourage their reader to go back and watch movies that touch your soul (with romance, beauty, adventure). so last night, my sister and i watched Ever After; and tonight, i watched two of the movies with Katherine Heigl based on the books by Janette Oke Love Comes Softly and Love’s Enduring Promise. movies i would NEVER make jason sit down and watch, but knew my heart would enjoy… and i think that’s what has stirred up this sense of wonder and gratitude in me. i used to watch romantic movies, hoping for the day MY prince would come and sweep ME off my feet. Now when i watch them, they serve as reminder of how good i have it! my husband is amazing. He takes such good care of his family. i am so loved, and so is our son. he is strong for us, fights for us, plays with us. i can’t imagine this journey of life with anyone else. he works so hard to provide a safe place for us, and for my heart – he never gives up… though there have been plenty of moments these past 6 ½ years where i’m sure he’s wanted to… we’ve come through a lot together, and we are more in love now than ever! AND he’s good-looking ;) my prince.



my boys... aren't they handsome?


joey just stirred again, which reminds me that i should be sleeping while he is, since it’s my only chance! he’ll be up and ready to start our day again in just a few short hours (and i’m NOT quite yet ;)… here’s hopin’ that I’ve said all I needed to and can fall asleep this time!




what i made today... i used my Dremel tool for the first time today, and drilled a hole in this old bottle cap to make a lovely rusty pendant - i'm gonna wear it on our date tonight!

fourthmonth 2-20-2010

joey turned 3 months old yesterday! and i decided that since (some of) the fog has lifted, and I am looking longingly at my “art area” every day, but never really getting in there… for joey’s fourth month of life I will create and/or blog every day. i always read about people challenging themselves to do months or years like this, and think “yeah, that’d be nice”… but never seems doable, with work, baby, taking care of home and husband… (and I can never find a good “starting point” like the new year or a birthday – but what better than the 4th month of your baby’s life?? ;) but this month, i’m gonna do it! even if it’s little. like today, i made a little paper quilt that was more of a study in color than anything else, but it was SOMETHING! i created and i learned from it, and i was refreshed in the process! my soul needs to create – i feel so alive when i do! i even feel rejuvenated just from brainstorming about being creative, but so many times it just doesn’t get put into action. not this month! we’re doin’ it, baby! and by baby, I mean joey, because i AM toting him around most of the day (he was in the jeep front carrier while I was making that paper quilt today), so he’s gonna have to be my little (mini) partner in crime. this is gonna be awesome! …but not easy… i can barely find the time and energy to update my facebook status once a week, much less blog every day… and so much other household “stuff” tends to take precedence over “fun” stuff like art and being creative. but this month… here goes!