my heart is so full right now! i feel it like a physical sensation, bubbling up and over inside my chest. about to burst, impatient for the laptop to finally boot up so i can express just how joyful i am in this moment. i have so much wonder in my soul… an amazing, strong husband who loves me… a son who brings me delight a hundred times a day… the beauty of golden wheat, green hills after a good rain, silent snow-laden trees – oh, so much beauty, and so much joy in my life!
i write this in bed in the dark since i finally realized i couldn’t fall asleep with all this welling up inside me! this is the third day of jason’s off-road expedition trip, so my bed is half-empty, but joey lies just a couple of feet away in his bassinet, and i can hear him breathing and stirring as i write this. there is nothing more peaceful than a baby sleeping. i could watch him forever (if there weren’t other things that REALLY needed to be done in those precious few moments). and nothing i can think of brings me so much joy as his little smiles! the eye contact, where you know that 3-month-old is really looking at you, learning about his world and his mother, and the huge grin that will light up his face… the shrieks he lets out when he’s on his changing table or when he gets so excited that the bears on his mobile are MOVING (the fan comes in a close second)! even his little drunk smiles after he’s just finished eating – no, maybe especially those – just so sweet and blissful and thankful. they thrill my heart and i can’t help grinning back, or getting teary, or wrapping him in an almost-too-tight hug. the first few surreal weeks of his life, i wasn’t so sure that this was a good idea – “what did we get ourselves into???” was the question i often asked myself… and “why do people have kids? and why do they think it’s so great?” but now that i can see that little person inside, and he’s not just this crying, demanding little stranger… i have so much love for him. i must tell him a couple of dozen times a day – it probably comprises half our conversation (we’ll have to start branching out soon ;) “oh, I just love you so much, bug”!
i was a little worried that jason leaving for 4 days would lead to me having a meltdown with joey… i tend to need a little break every other day or so – just for an hour or two – where i don’t have to be the one responsible for meeting his every need. being a “single parent” for a few days was not something i was completely looking forward to. but I knew this trip would be so refreshing and good for jason’s soul, so i sent him off! and my time with joey has been just wonderful! so sweet. just “mommy and me”. i can’t wait for jason to come back, though! i’ve been doing things i wouldn’t normally do with him around, like watch chick flicks… i’ve been reading Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge, and they encourage their reader to go back and watch movies that touch your soul (with romance, beauty, adventure). so last night, my sister and i watched Ever After; and tonight, i watched two of the movies with Katherine Heigl based on the books by Janette Oke Love Comes Softly and Love’s Enduring Promise. movies i would NEVER make jason sit down and watch, but knew my heart would enjoy… and i think that’s what has stirred up this sense of wonder and gratitude in me. i used to watch romantic movies, hoping for the day MY prince would come and sweep ME off my feet. Now when i watch them, they serve as reminder of how good i have it! my husband is amazing. He takes such good care of his family. i am so loved, and so is our son. he is strong for us, fights for us, plays with us. i can’t imagine this journey of life with anyone else. he works so hard to provide a safe place for us, and for my heart – he never gives up… though there have been plenty of moments these past 6 ½ years where i’m sure he’s wanted to… we’ve come through a lot together, and we are more in love now than ever! AND he’s good-looking ;) my prince.
my boys... aren't they handsome?
joey just stirred again, which reminds me that i should be sleeping while he is, since it’s my only chance! he’ll be up and ready to start our day again in just a few short hours (and i’m NOT quite yet ;)… here’s hopin’ that I’ve said all I needed to and can fall asleep this time!
what i made today... i used my Dremel tool for the first time today, and drilled a hole in this old bottle cap to make a lovely rusty pendant - i'm gonna wear it on our date tonight!
i write this in bed in the dark since i finally realized i couldn’t fall asleep with all this welling up inside me! this is the third day of jason’s off-road expedition trip, so my bed is half-empty, but joey lies just a couple of feet away in his bassinet, and i can hear him breathing and stirring as i write this. there is nothing more peaceful than a baby sleeping. i could watch him forever (if there weren’t other things that REALLY needed to be done in those precious few moments). and nothing i can think of brings me so much joy as his little smiles! the eye contact, where you know that 3-month-old is really looking at you, learning about his world and his mother, and the huge grin that will light up his face… the shrieks he lets out when he’s on his changing table or when he gets so excited that the bears on his mobile are MOVING (the fan comes in a close second)! even his little drunk smiles after he’s just finished eating – no, maybe especially those – just so sweet and blissful and thankful. they thrill my heart and i can’t help grinning back, or getting teary, or wrapping him in an almost-too-tight hug. the first few surreal weeks of his life, i wasn’t so sure that this was a good idea – “what did we get ourselves into???” was the question i often asked myself… and “why do people have kids? and why do they think it’s so great?” but now that i can see that little person inside, and he’s not just this crying, demanding little stranger… i have so much love for him. i must tell him a couple of dozen times a day – it probably comprises half our conversation (we’ll have to start branching out soon ;) “oh, I just love you so much, bug”!
i was a little worried that jason leaving for 4 days would lead to me having a meltdown with joey… i tend to need a little break every other day or so – just for an hour or two – where i don’t have to be the one responsible for meeting his every need. being a “single parent” for a few days was not something i was completely looking forward to. but I knew this trip would be so refreshing and good for jason’s soul, so i sent him off! and my time with joey has been just wonderful! so sweet. just “mommy and me”. i can’t wait for jason to come back, though! i’ve been doing things i wouldn’t normally do with him around, like watch chick flicks… i’ve been reading Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge, and they encourage their reader to go back and watch movies that touch your soul (with romance, beauty, adventure). so last night, my sister and i watched Ever After; and tonight, i watched two of the movies with Katherine Heigl based on the books by Janette Oke Love Comes Softly and Love’s Enduring Promise. movies i would NEVER make jason sit down and watch, but knew my heart would enjoy… and i think that’s what has stirred up this sense of wonder and gratitude in me. i used to watch romantic movies, hoping for the day MY prince would come and sweep ME off my feet. Now when i watch them, they serve as reminder of how good i have it! my husband is amazing. He takes such good care of his family. i am so loved, and so is our son. he is strong for us, fights for us, plays with us. i can’t imagine this journey of life with anyone else. he works so hard to provide a safe place for us, and for my heart – he never gives up… though there have been plenty of moments these past 6 ½ years where i’m sure he’s wanted to… we’ve come through a lot together, and we are more in love now than ever! AND he’s good-looking ;) my prince.
my boys... aren't they handsome?
joey just stirred again, which reminds me that i should be sleeping while he is, since it’s my only chance! he’ll be up and ready to start our day again in just a few short hours (and i’m NOT quite yet ;)… here’s hopin’ that I’ve said all I needed to and can fall asleep this time!
what i made today... i used my Dremel tool for the first time today, and drilled a hole in this old bottle cap to make a lovely rusty pendant - i'm gonna wear it on our date tonight!
4 comments:
Yay, love this :) xo
i got teary-eyed reading this post :) i love you and i'm so proud of you! you are a wonderful mommy. and yes, those adorable smiles and shrieky laughs are my favorite!
that picture of jason and joey is adorable! why didn't he post that one on FB?
That pendant looks awesome! It looks like a medieval treasure :)
Joey, look at the camera. Gosh, he never listens! :)
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