reasons...

so... i didn't just give up. well, i kind of gave up. but it was for good reasons... i'm pregnant!!! found out on the second day of my art class, and started with "morning" sickness about a week later. i find it hard, if not impossible to be creative when i'm feeling awful. plus so exhausted. so i decided to just keep up with the info for each day of my 5-week class (the only thing besides SLEEP i could force myself to do during normally bliss-time: joey's nap). and then start over with week 1, day 1 after the class was over. 

i did end up finding time/space/non-sickyness in little bits and pieces, so here are a few things i made during the course of the class...

a journal assignment: we were supposed to draw as many "tree rings" as years of our lives. imagine my surprise when i was at 16, 17, and really thought i was almost "there", only to discover that was about HALF my life so far! i suddenly felt very old ;) so then i journaled, one line(ish) per year. later, i painted over the rings in colors corresponding to the general "mood" of my life at the time...

an assignment to find textures around the house - loved finding some of these things! and made me more aware of my world around me - more "present": an ongoing life goal for me...

another art journal assignment involving collage and paint...

step 1: collaged on the background, using interesting textures & colors (when i originally planned this spread, i had no intention of a figure in it, but then i found this one in a Butterick fashion guide from 1970 and had to use it :)

step 2: chose a color scheme and add a layer of paint. i don't usually try complementary colors, so i wanted to experiment with it in this assignment... i went with red & green! oh, and i did a little "finger" painting :)

step 3: collaged on some imagery (in this case different anatomical hearts) to be used as a base, and covered with paint for my final look.

step 4: painted... i intended these hearts to be an image of my heart and those i'm most closely connected to: my family... my husband, jason's, being on the right; joey, our 2-year-old below and between us, and the new little tiny one still connected to MY circulatory system (it was also hard to blog during this time because everything i was creating had something to do with this new little life growing inside me, and we hadn't officially widely announced it yet, so i couldn't post stuff!! so nice to feel free to do that now :)

i used a cross-section for my own heart to signify that in all this, i'm desiring to open my heart. let it be seen, give freely... 

the assignment was actually based around a journaling prompt: "i am...(color)". i looked up the meaning of the colors on a webpage misty had linked to, and immediately identified with red standing for courage and sacrifice, especially embarking on this new journey of bringing a second child into our family, and all that entails...

the piece turned out very... bright. :) and where it says "red" looks a little too superman-emblem-y to me, but it was definitely fun experimenting with color & texture!!

day 5 of the class: journaling. i think this is basically "putting it all together".
for this assignment, we journaled about what we've learned so far, and then drew, colored, and painted over it. this was the first portrait i've done without using a person or photo for reference. just made it up {intuitive, they call it}. i thought it was done when i took this first photo, but then it seemed garishly bright when i looked at it on the computer screen. so i added some white, and it turned into the piece below. i think this one looks more like me (or, at least, like a person in general), but i miss the colors of the first draft, especially in the neck area... all part of the process...!

sculpted

 i've never sculpted before yesterday (besides the occasional playdough veggietales character for my son ;)... watched a couple of videos from my class, and it looked super-easy... 

yeah, not so much... especially faces. 

i do love this simple little worshiper-woman...

 especially the little crown of rosetted bedecking her crown...

 but this is what she looks like today - somehow her lips disappeared, and her entire bottom half is cracked. guess i have some things to learn ;) i was hoping she'd dry by today so i could paint her... but i guess i'll be filling in cracks and letting those dry first! and making some lips?

a bit of mystery...

before a couple of years ago, mystery drove me crazy. i wanted everything to fit into neat little black and white categories (that i understood). these last three years or so have been a journey (as if they rest of life hadn't been). of stopping. quitting my expectations of how life and God should work. of opening my heart to beauty and mystery. God has met me here so deeply. but i can promise that were i to tell the stories of these meetings to someone still in black-and-white world, i'd at LEAST get a raised eyebrow, if not a "where is that found in the Bible?" lecture. 

part of this process has been realizing how uniquely God designed me (and you). that sounds obvious, but i'm pretty sure before, i understood my place to be as a part of a giant, undifferentiated blob. maybe each section with different "gifts", but not different in the way we relate to our Creator, to each other. how wrong i was! God's plan has been to take me down a path i would have never traveled if he had not hedged my way with thorns (hosea 2:6, speaking of how God gets israel to turn from other lovers back to himself, to his heart). toward creativity, toward knowing who i am, toward his deep mysterious heart of love. 

my world suddenly stopped fitting neatly in the boxes i had been given and so long cared for. life became messy. and i was finally able to be truthful down in my soul, about my searching, my longing, my desires. desire so fathomless it cannot be met, except for by the one who is also fathomless.

i have long been wanting to post these abstract shots that i absolutely adore! something about the structure of the grid, even though it's messy, and you can't quite tell what's going on besides it... and the color. so much beauty to my eye. and i'm sure not to everyone's! because God designed my creative soul to love rusty and torn and weathered. somehow that reflects him and how he loves us as we are, worn patina and all. 

the tree of life

come away with me...

be still, and delight in beauty...

my my grandpa passed away today. it was sort of sudden, and a shock, but really his health has been failing slowly as he's gotten older. i'm having a hard time processing it, with the suddenness of it, and how far away my dad's whole side of the family lives... joey got to meet him last year around this time, and that was our last trip up to northern california. i'm thankful that he (just in the last decade or so) chose to trust Christ.  never too late until it is. 

trying to process all this has reminded me of an amazing movie i saw recently that i've been wanting to recommend: The Tree of Life. it's an anomaly of a movie to me. super artistic, abstract, and spiritual, but has big (BIG) name actors in it, like Brad Pitt, Sean Penn, and my current favorite actress, Jessica Chastain. as a friend described it, this movie is deeply Christian, as long as your idea of a "christian movie" doesn't stop at "fireproof". it's basically about grieving, learning to process with God all of life, seeing the bigger picture. as i said, it's really abstract, with lengthy sequences of creation imagery, and lots of whispers. dialogue between a woman and her God, a man and his brother. if you get annoyed by lack of plot, or feeling lost as to what exactly is going on in a linear way, be forewarned: this movie does not fit into any neat and tidy categories. but is a.mazing.

all these shots are from a day i spent alone (rapture!) at descanso gardens. a time to rest, be alone with my God, enjoy his created glorious beauty. he met me there and i danced with him. more glory in just these flowers and trees and SPACE than a soul can take in (in a day or ever!)... hope you can get a little taste of it here... and then go. - drive to pasadena (la canada flintridge, really), and take a breather for yourself. $8 for a day is so worth it...

"my spot"