How he loves...

I just had one of those moments - you know when people talk about seeing their kid and realizing how God sees them? With so much grace and love? I always feel guilty when I hear people say that. Of course I love my son, and he often delights me with just being himself. But he also frequently drains me. Demands and I feel I dont have enough to give. I think instead how much I am NOT like God as a parent - how infinitely greater a father he is than I could ever be as a mother.
But tonight...
It's just after 11 now, and I haven't been able to fall asleep (a combination of having too much sweet tea to make it through the worn hours of the evening, and the beckoning prospect of reading The Help - trying to finish it by Sunday when some friends are going to see the movie :). So I was much less annoyed and weary this time when Joey woke up three hours into his night's sleep. Just beginning to whimper and cry out intermittently, I could tell he was feeling agitated. I had the deep and sudden desire to run in there and catch him up in my arms of pure mother's love. But he's had issues sleeping lately, and I've been trying to get him back to being able to sleep through the night without extra doses of warm milk and eighteen lullabies.
So I waited to see if he'd drop back off to sleep, ignoring my urge to run in there.
But I started to really feel a push to go in, snatch him up, and just love on him. Like it was God's spirit within my own. So once I realized that, all caution thrown to the wind, I rushed in. Picked him up to hold him against my chest. But he was so in between sleeping and waking, and so agitated, he fought me! Well, THAT was unexpected. He usually melts into my arms once I come to rescue him in the middle of the night. He kept crying out as though I wasnt even holding him, and began yelling out that he wanted milk. I told him okay, I'd get him some. Headed to the kitchen to warm it up to his perfect taste, he was yelling and fighting the whole time. I scooped him up again, and he was just arching and crying. Saying "milk" but refusing it when I offered it. Like he was oblivious to the fact that I was giving him exactly what he needed - mom's cuddles and comfort and deep love - AND what he'd asked for - milk. He finally stopped thrashing long enough to get the cup in his mouth, and he succumbed.
I let him drink for minute before starting my soft humming "oh how he loves us" - a song I sing with his lullabies pretty much every night - had just sung (along with my husband, at joey's request ;) three hours earlier in the same rocking chair. He told me no. Didn't want my song. But I kept humming and holding and loving and feeding and nurturing. And soon he'd relaxed into my embrace, contentedly sucking his midnight snack, and asking for more singing when there was a lull. No longer fighting. When he had had enough, he turned to me and said sweetly " all done" as only a toddler can, and then "nunnight".

I finished my song with tears in my eyes as I began to see the similarities between these moments with my son, and how we (I) so often treat God. He comes to our cry, longing and delighting to meet our needs, to connect with us in our desires. And we fight him. Treat him like the enemy. Like we know better how it is our needs should be met. Joey seemed so angry tonight. How often we arch against His sweet embrace, bent on OUR way. When what we really need and so deeply yearn for is right there. He is so willing. Loves to look past our immaturity and delight in the real person. Thank you God, for another reminder that you never give up on me, and are always waiting for me to turn and run back into your arms again.


He is jealous for me
Loves like a hurricane - I am a tree
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy
And all of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions, eclipsed by glory
And I realized just how beautiful you are
And how great your affections are for me
Oh, how he loves us
Oh, how he loves us
How he loves us, oh


Yeah, he loves us
Oh, how he loves us
Oh how he loves us
Oh how he loves...
And we are his portion, and he is our prize
Drawn to redemption by the grace in his eyes
If his grace is an ocean, we're all sinking
And heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest
I don't have time to maintain these regrets
When I think about the way that
He loves us
Oh, how he loves us
Oh how he loves us
Oh how he loves...
(how he loves by John Mark McMillan)