my absence, part 4

December:

heart: just continuing with God in the life of my heart, discovering things i still need to learn from Him, and getting glimpses of his heart of love for me...

art: mostly worked on Christmas gifts (like my free-motion-stitched fabric cuffs i made for my mom & sisters... and myself ;)... got a couple of awesome art books for Christmas that inspired me to start writing poetry (me??!) and making art more frequently.

family: Christmas! my entire family was together for once! mom & dad flew in from hawai'i and sister jenna and her boyfriend izzy flew in from honduras (via el salvador) on Christmas Day! and then on new year's eve, they got engaged! yep, another 11.11.11 wedding comin' up!

joey brushed his little teeth for the first time ;)

and we got to take another trip to Yosemite - our first time seeing it in the snow!

and it. was. amazing. indescribable. joey loved the snow, and we loved seeing the beauty.

here's a "poem" i wrote when we got back (pretty much my first attempt at writing poetry, ever. so don't judge. ;)

untitled stream of consciousness/word toolbox poem:

i begin heavy

my soul altering its own expression

unnerved, uncomfortable with my attempt

to tell of my heart of concrete

sinking, disappointed, overboard

the soil of my soul furrowed

in weariness and readiness

unnerved by the unpredictability of life

and jesus and my own self

longing for brilliant light to be shed

but feeling it blocked by my own jungle canopy

wishing for a perfect world

where i am desired and not demanded, startled

often by deep pursuit, a whirlwind of desire

expressed and met in a storybook affair

dangerous in an odd sort of way

but instead i pass my days harmlessly, in monotony

with the scope of a merely human view

meanwhile the heavens are popping with static

as a war wages over the souls of men

a struggle unseen

only even sensed by those really tuned in

i've had glimpses

of his love and his abundant life

but as soon as they've come, i've blinked

and they've gone

the forest on monday, one such moment

the bare branches with their layers of snow

lacy and pristine

something only a God of beauty would create

moments where i have sensed his heart touch mine

seeing my heart soften and enlarge

from the moment my son became

a part of my life

now some of my deepest joys

being with him

a kiss, a tickle, a hug

such delight

brought by the same one that saps me

of my energy

so beautiful

my babylove

i end buoyant, thankful

for the blessings of a child

a strong lover

a beautiful God

a healthy body

this time to myself